Article by Membership Coordinator, Emily Doran
Our very first inspiring mom is Dari Sylvester Tran. Dari married Andy Tran in 2015 and has a daughter, Elise, 22 months old. Dari is an associate professor of political science at University of the Pacific and recently published her first book, “Unrigging American Elections.”
I reached out to Dari because I couldn’t imagine writing a book, while also caring for a newborn. But when I spoke with Dari, I discovered her road to becoming a mother was its own struggle, and her daughter’s birth was also challenging.
You married Andy in 2015 and moved from Livermore to Brentwood in 2016, what made you move?
I work in Stockton and my husband, Andy, works in the city, at SFO. We were looking for a place that worked for both our commutes. When we looked into Brentwood, we realized it would work for both of us and had great school ratings.
What made you want to join the MOB?
I asked mom friends, while I was pregnant, and was told I should find a good support network. I went online, found the MOB and signed up! The MOB has been the biggest blessing for me. I’ve made friendships, asked for advice, and I never feel judged. Now I don’t want to move, because we have this community.
How does living in Brentwood meet your family’s needs?
I like being centrally located, having access to lots of parks and shopping. We’ve lived here for two and a half years and in that time things have gotten even better. I love the new library downtown, and some of the new restaurants that have opened.
How did you write a book while being pregnant and having a baby?
I had the idea for my book when I was five months pregnant. I did most of the writing while Elise was a baby. I think besides getting my Ph.D., it was the hardest time of my life. I questioned and doubted myself so much! I received such a positive and enthusiastic initial response from the publishing house, and it helped keep me motivated. I also had childcare
support from my in-laws and Andy. I finished the book on August 31, 2018 and worked on it up to the end. I felt so much guilt during that time about not doing enough for either my book or my daughter.
What’s been the biggest challenge of motherhood for you?
Having a child is such a consequential decision, it was important for me to make sure I was first in a strong, established relationship. I met Andy and felt like I’d met a partner who would make a good parent. After we got married, I struggled, first with an unexpected surgery to remove a
tumor on my jaw (that delayed trying to have a baby) then with IVF. The doctor told me there was only a 2% chance we could have a child, with IVF, a 5% chance. I felt defective. I broke down and told Andy he could leave, but he said he would never leave. When I finally did get pregnant, I was overjoyed but also on edge the entire time. Elise was born a month early and spent a week in the NICU. I knew it would be hard, but you can’t really prepare for all you go through as a mom. I feel like now she’s becoming a little person, and I’m really enjoying the stage she is in.
What was harder, writing a book or having a baby?
Definitely Elise! She is a miracle and a blessing.
How do you juggle it all?
I never feel like I’m making it all work! I feel there are signs that tell me I’m doing ok. Elise makes me laugh every day. I was at an expert level professionally, but I’m a beginner as a mom. Every single day I feel stronger in both areas.
How has being a mom changed you professionally?
I had a mentor who told me ‘you need to make the decision to be a parent or a productive professor’. It really took the wind out of me. I had worked so hard to get my Ph.D. and I was flourishing as a professor. Would I be able to do both well? After Elise was born my priorities shifted and my worldview as well. I’m more concerned about the environment, how women are treated, and the political landscape. I want a better world for Elise.
What were you least prepared for with motherhood?
I wasn’t expecting to see the mirrors of myself in Elise. I feel it’s made me more self-aware of the messages I’m sending. I’ve grown up a lot since having Elise. I felt really stupid about what I thought motherhood would be and what it would entail. It opens up an entire new dimension.
What do you always carry in your purse?
I drink a lot more coffee these days, and always carry Stevia! Plus wipes for Elise.
What’s your go to restaurant in Brentwood?
Attraversiamo, especially for brunch!
For more on Dari, check out her book here:
https://www.palgrave.com/us/book/9783030035464
And connect with Dari on LinkedIn!
