Moms Who Inspire – March

Article by Technology Director, Jessica Margolin

In this months Moms Who Inspire category, meet Toni, a beacon of strength navigating life’s challenges as she supports her child (1 out of 4) through the urgent need for a kidney transplant. Despite the hardships and the intensity of survival mode, her unwavering spirit shines through, illuminating the path with hope and resilience.

Tell me about your family
I’m a divorcing/newly single mom to 4 children. One whom is medically ill.

What brought you to Brentwood, CA
Our family moved to Brentwood in 2018 for affordability so I could be an at home mom, as living in Walnut Creek required dual incomes and we were also able to purchase a brand new home. My estranged husband is in  law enforcement, about half of his department and many other law enforcement families live in this town. This is how we found Brentwood.  

What made you join the MOB
I found MOB by way of past child rearing experience with my now 18 year old. I was very involved in a moms group while raising her, I knew for this next generation I also wanted that experience for myself and my children to build that community.

Can you tell us a bit about Jax and his journey leading up to the need for a kidney transplant?
With my 4th and final child, Jax, I went to my routine 20 week ultrasound where there was no amniotic fluid due to posterior urethral valve. In simple terms meaning my child could not urinate in utero. Amniotic fluid is urine, a fetus urinates, which then creates amniotic fluid. They drink it, swallow it, and that grows their lungs. Jax  was able to do so do. This in turn filled his bladder, which backed up into his kidneys. Jax  had a very slim chance of being born and able to breathe due to his lungs, not being able to develop. I did go under Fetal surgery while pregnant to try and save his life. This worked as a shock to everybody in the medical world, Jax  survived, and was born with stage four kidney disease.

How has your role as a mother evolved since your son’s diagnosis?
Besides being a mother to four children, I am now a caregiver to a medically needy child. This has changed my perception on a lot of things in this world in a good way it’s open my heart and my mind to things I’ve never imagined..

As a mother of 4 kids, how do you balance caring for your son’s medical needs with the other responsibilities in your life?
This is a tough question to answer. He is now 2 1/2 years old and this has just become routine and a normal part of my daily life. I don’t know any difference.

Can you share some of the ways you’ve found support or coping mechanisms to navigate the challenges your family faces?
In order for me to navigate and cope with the challenges, life have thrown at me I’ve been very fortunate to have a great village of friends to lean on

What advice would you offer to other mothers who may be in a similar situation, balancing the roles of caregiver and/or donor for their child?
For my situation given that I do not have a lot of family, I do have a grandmother and a mother-in-law besides that the community of friends I’ve built here in Brentwood have really stepped up to be that saving grace

What’s it been like returning back to work
Unfortunately, for my situation,  my decision to return back to work was not mine. My husband decided after the kidney donation and kidney transplant for our baby that he wanted something else for his life. I am currently just in survival mode, trying to keep afloat and also trying to keep Life as normal as possible for my other children.

What do you always carry in your purse
One thing that I always carry in my purse is a replacement G-tube and other medical supplies

Favorite playground in Brentwood
Our families, favorite playground is Monarch Park, which is currently in our neighborhood and we lucked out with that!

Anything else you would like to share with your readers
I wish I had wise advice for anybody reading this however, I’m just going through life like anybody else. I do not feel that we are much different. We all have our own struggles in life and a lot of it is about perspective. I know a couple of mothers who have been through the situation that I have been through with my baby. While my struggle currently seems daunting. I am just happy to have my child Earth-side.